We got a little visit from Crazy the other day, in the form of me, which was contributed to my being sick, and often when i'm sick, especially if it's something i'm not familiar with & if i'm in a substantial amount of pain, i go a little berserk. In events such as this, you can expect me to audibly summon the demons of the underworld to take back this Evil with which I have been stricken, multiple times, before the day is out. I am about to reveal an excellent EXCELLENT Sean quote. Totally inadvertent, and hilarious. A dialogue, if you will:
Jen: Sean, I'm so glad you stayed home from work. Seriously, I would have been an absolute wreck. Well, more than I already unbelievably was. Sorry about that...
Sean: No, way. I am glad too. I wanted to be here for your wreck-dom.
Jen: my what??
Sean: NO! your-- wreck! like w-r-e-c-k...
after 20 years of laughing, hunched over...
Jen: No.. no thanks. I think i'm ok in that department...
Where will I end up? Where will I live? These are questions one might ask in their adult years. You might get married, you might start having kids. You might have one dream, and you won't rest until you see yourself there. Or you might feel varying feelings. Despite where you are now, you might have a feeling, somewhere in a nook of your innards, a desire to "settle down" somewhere. To have your spouse and your kids and to raise them in this place that they will call their home, and look back and remember it with the homey feeling and say "that was where I grew up."
I believe, ultimately, that i am one of the "varying feelings" kind. Many people move to Brooklyn to attend a school program and then move back to whence they came, or someplace similar. When I first married, the plan was to be in New York for at least 2 years. Sean went to art school in Brooklyn and that was the length of the program. It was strange, because I think we knew in our hearts we would stay longer than that, because when those two years were up and the decision to stay was naturally & easily made, and people asked us "when are you moving back?" i thought it was weird. Like, what? why would I, necessarily? We are of that kind. Sean used to "teasingly" tell me, "I am NOT New York!" For before we met, I yearned, deeply, to live in a big city. I would pick up or drop people off at the airport, take a minute to watch the departing planes in the sky and think, where are you going? take me with you.
And then we met in the summer, he told me his fall plans, and then we decided to get married (heh heh).
I have loved living here. I have never known a place with such a strong impact on my identity, nor have i felt such a strong connection. I had wonderful growing up years and loved where I was raised, but there is something about this city place that reflects something deep in the insides of my soul. I don't know what it is, exactly. But it's a tone that resonates, and beautifully, and I cherish it, I really do.
People in Brooklyn might start having kids. They might have another, and another. And that's just about the limit before your apartment literally bursts at the seams. And people leave to bigger, less expensive pastures. For the people who didn't determine to leave after their schooling, I think the common response they give, when asked how long they'll live here, is "who knows? Probably 3-5 years." And they've been saying that for the past 3-5 years. Like us. And now it's been 6.
Now I have a child and I feel a certain draw to things never much considered, like the suburbs, or a house. I've never planned on living in New York FOREVER. It's too cold, too hard, too dirty, too expensive, too small (the living space). But always the next thought following that is, but how could I ever leave? And that's how it ends. Every time.
And yet, there is a part of me that thinks, maybe it is time? Maybe we should move, and "settle down." Toting a kid makes getting around incredibly more difficult. And then there's always the looming inevitability of schooling. Do i want my kid to go to school here?
So as much as it scares me/makes me cry/whatever, I think that, who knows? Maybe I'm ready to move, to settle down. I see myself living in a lot of places, really. And I see myself never living in others.
And then I see something that sparks something else. And I remember that thing, that need, deep in my innards, that I've long known was there, but that New York has heartily satisfied these 6 years, and it is this: the desire to live in a foreign land. There is a strong pull. A very strong pull. And i've lately felt a sharp tug.
I want an adventure. Always, in life, wherever i am, all the time. I live for the adventure. And i fear the mundane. I know life is what you make it, but could that life just be in the Seychelles for a while? Or Kenya? Or the south of France? Or Italy? Or, as my dear friend Amber said, the south of anywhere.
It might be crazy, it might be hard, especially with a little Julian, but the force of the pull is strong. I feel it every day. Sean and I both feel a change might be looming, of some form or another. So I might start doing some investigating. But I might not, because, how could I ever, EVER leave this place?
Apparently I just can't say enough about it. Here we go!
1. You feel that using the word "fan" is insufficient. Maybe uber-fan? Crazy fan? Crazy uber-geek fan?
2. You buy yourself Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit for Christmas.
3. You play it SIX TIMES over the holidays.
4. WHILE watching the movies.
5. WITH subtitles on, so you now know the names of secondary or thirdary characters. Hama, Haldir, etc. (Hama gets his head bitten off by a Worg and Haldir is the pretty elf guy of Lothlorien who comes to help fight at Helm's Deep)
6. You get mad when you lose the game and want to take out the winner's wedges, and throw them all over the room.
7. When you read the word "eleven" anywhere, you consistently misread it as "elven." And you're disappointed when you realize it's not.
8. You fight about naming a daughter Eowyn.
9. Similarly, you are jealous of the girl you know whose middle name is Arwen. For real.
10. You talk about Lord of the Rings ALL. THE. TIME.
I almost succombed to the january blues, but this saved me at the last second. I defy you to still be glum after hearing this song.(and if the song doesn't help, the claymation will) My friend gave me this album and it's one of my favorites in a long long time.
1. First and foremost: Tremors. Now, Tremors really ought to be its own post, and a lengthy one at that. It is really in a class, category, dimension of its own. It hasn't been on television in a really long time as far as i know, but back in the day it used to be on TNT all the time, and i watched it all the time because MAN is it awesome. Seriously, i could go on and on about it. But i won't. Just, Netflix it or something if you can. Experience it for yourself. In fact, I'm doing that right now.
2. Stargate. Why? Well, it's super cool and sci-fi. Love that. And one of my celebrity crushes is in it, James Spader, who is totally nerd-hot, aka just hot, in this movie.
3. Any of the Jurassic Parks. Even the crappy 3rd one. *shameful face*
5. Pride and Prejudice. I love this movie. I own it, but when it's on, I watch it still. It bewitches me, body and soul.
6. I just realized I skipped #4. drr. i'll just keep going and make you wonder what the secret 4th movie is. Anyway, 6. Castaway. I don't watch it in full, thankfully, (who can, after seeing it the first time?) But something about it makes me linger longer than I should. I don't think it's a bad movie by any means but it's just one of those "see it once" type of movies. Yet when it's on tv, which it is a LOT, there's something about it. I don't know. One of those-- "Geez, AGAIN??" and then, bluhhh... you sit there with frozen remote and stare for far too long.
7. Any of the Harry Potters. This is bizarre considering I think the movies are poop. Sean loves them, and i like them in that they're HP, but other than that, there's no reason I should be watching them again and again on TV. Especially because we own them and we often battle over them. Me: "How about you watch them when i go to Utah?" Rarely am I in an HP mood, and yet...
8. I always give The Day After Tomorrow a decent chunk of my attention. Remember: EVERY TIME it's on, which this one is on 20 times a day on FX. Or at least every time i see that it's on which is at least once a day. Ahhh how can i write this so it doesn't sound like I watch tv all day. Oh well. Next.
9. Panic Room. When i--watch--this--I always--feel--so---panicked! It's--so--intense! AHHH! HURRY! AHH! I like it.
10. Air Force One. Oh, Harrison. You should be president. This movie has just the right amount of action, suspense, thrill, cheese, and patriotism, all the makings of something I just can't stop looking at. And Gary Oldman is great.
That's pretty good for now. I'll let you know if i think of others. What are some of yours? Don't be ashamed. Tell us. (see #3)
I understand that making a photo black and white adds an artistic feel. That's cool. I'm all for "artsy." However: Does this achieve the same success when the blog post is about potty training and features a picture of the child on the toilet? Does it? You tell me.
I had a dream last night that my sister had an extra ticket to go to Paris, but it was in her name, so I had to pretend to be her. I got a "copy" of her ID and we went to the airport and fooled ALL of the security which were weirdly intense & hard core, like it was the FBI. Like we would have been shot if we'd gotten caught. But we weren't, and we made it and i was like, oh man my french is super rusty. We get there and the next morning are awakened by some people at the door. I go to the door which is the cage to our door in our apartment here, and I try to mumble something in French and they laugh at me and tell me it's alright. My sister and I are apparently supposed to put on some kind of concert, and we're the main event. The dream changes to that scene and I am wearing this black concert dress that's two pieces and a little snug for me. No matter. I sit at my piano and my sister sits at hers, opposite from me. She plays a piece for the crowd and then it's my turn. My job is to play a song without music to look at. I'm stumped. I can't think of ANYTHING to play. The crowd is urging me and I desperately look to my sister for help. She starts playing a tune which is the theme song to Jurassic Park, and she is singing words to it. Strangely, (perhaps due to the words) I don't recognize it. I look at her, alarmed and confused. Finally i just start playing a note over and over again until something comes to me, which it does, and I bust into "Send In the Clowns." The crowd, which resembles the room in which the senate gathers in the new Star Wars movies, ERUPTS. Apparently the French LOVE Send In the Clowns. And I continue to play, hoping I remember how it goes, and I'm not sure I do but i play something anyway and they just get louder and louder and when I finish, dramatically, I am like a hero to these people and the screams and cheers are deafening and I am the absolute happiest I have ever been.
Also, I'm pretty sure I also dreamt I made out with Aragorn.
Sean and I have recently discovered that I'm a mean puzzler. as in a "mean drunk." When I do puzzles, i get mean.
"@#% piece! Fit, you worthless piece of filth! Look at this piece--how can it NOT go there?? arrghhh!!"
"I can't find that--where the CRAP--arrghhh!!"
"Jen, can you help me find--" "NO! I'm working on this STUPID CORNER UNTIL I DIE."
I'm also a super nerdy puzzler who tells puzzle stories about her puzzle adventures.
Jen: "oh man, Sean. Check out this piece here. Look how it fits!! Isn't that crazy??"
Sean: silence. (never looked in the first place) (actually Sean remains silent through pretty much all my tirades/commentary.)
Jen: "Oh MAN! Listen to this! So i looked at this gap and was like, where could that piece be? i need to find a wonky shape like thisss... and I immediately randomly looked to the left and my eyes fell on the very piece i need! I didn't even look around! Can you believe it??"
Jen: "I'm learning so much! Puzzles ARE fun!"
We have been working on a world map puzzle that has the countries of the world printed on the water part. It has the name, capital, population, and area. This helps you not go all the way to actually blowing your brains out when you're working on the ocean.
Jen: "Something I like to do is take a piece that has part of a country's name and try to figure out what country it is. Like this one: ragua. RagOOa. bragua. Frrr..agua. NICARAGUA!"
And that's why everyone should participate in activities with me.
this was our christmas card this year, with some embellishments that are unfortunately impossible digitally. Or are impossible with regards to my current motivation level. But that doesn't minimize the sentiment we feel. Happy Christmas to you & yours. (and yes, total cop-out-only-showing-picture-of-child christmas card. No one needs to see my face right now. I want it to be a happy time for people.)
Looking for the perfect gift and are freaking out because Christmas is almost here? Calm down, your problems are solved. ANNOUNCING:
The Lower West, now available on iTunes! click HERE to preview!
I may have mentioned that I was part of a 3-person band called The Lower West. What seems like many moons ago, we recorded an album, and it is finally dropping, or whatever they say. I am dropping it. It has fallen to the floor. ? Anyway, Only the Dead Know Brooklyn is now available for $9.90!Buy now!
Click here & here to hear some tunes on the album (but now mixed and edited and whatever to make them sound even BETTER.)
I can't believe the album is finally ready. Wow. Sniff. Anyway, a very very very happy Christmas to you from all of us here at jen's log (me and Jeb, my mountain man alter ego.) Has it really almost been 5 years? (since starting this blog) Man! Suddenly i find myself feeling all sentimental. I... i think i have something in my eye.
Just in case you're in need of some holiday cheer, may I present this:
My niece Emmeline. This picture busts me up. As i recall, it was taken not at Christmastime. She is a treasure. I think the image speaks for itself. To see more of her genius designs, go to my brother's blog here.
The background on my gmail is "tree" i believe it is called, which shows the weather conditions that supposedly are true to my area. I often judge what the weather is by looking at my gmail (and not opening the window blinds, 5 centimeters away). Today, however, gmail threw me for a loop when it shows it was raining. what the? CRAP! i thought. But then i did look out the window and: no. false. No rain. Then, just now, i saw everything on my background covered in SNOW. WHAT? I just ran to the window: False. Don't mess with me, gmail background thing!!!
(as far as i'm concerned, snow is unacceptable before January, except for Dec. 25. But even then, i can definitely leave it.) (as in, take it or leave it...)
Hi, I'm Jen. I'm married to Sean and we live in Brooklyn. Sean is an artist and I am a philanthropist. Yep, helping mankind. It's what i do. I like to post here my thoughts, blatherings and adventures I have here in the city. Sometimes they're fun to read. Sometimes they're kind of stale. Oh well. Cheers!
| »
